Typical Zoom lesson (transcript)


We’ve survived a month of remote teaching via Zoom, and we have a week to breath before the next session starts. So, I thought I’d share some Zoom humor, or Zoomor, if you like.

When we make Zoom recordings, our classroom capture system attempts to transcribe it automatically. Unfortunately, the technology can’t quite keep up with my accent or speed of delivery or … something, and the results are often bizarre. Here then is a compilation of greatest hits from the last month. The excerpts are unedited and all come from me (not my students). I have rearranged them and added fictitious time stamps and speech prefixes. Prizes for anyone who can guess what I teach. One hint, my course is called Grad VI (read “grad six”), Listening/Speaking for Graduate Students.


<Zoom call starts. 8:15 am. Teacher greets students as they enter. Then, recording starts:>

We’ll sobbing, tired this morning. It’s still Thursday, guys, two days ago. Okay? Okay, not mortally wounded.

<Screen share: Doc Cam> So there is a sets of notes in the textbook. If you have the book, I really, I show two things at the same time, but if you have the textbook on page 147148, there’s a sets of sample notes if you want, if you missed anything. And in the meantime, I’m going to go back to the lecture. I’m just going to listen for some of the strategies that he uses to transition that we just took the deal on.

<8:30: Start lecture. Pause.>

Who this person is on the screen? Who is this person? I haven’t witnesses.

<8:35-8:45. Play lecture.>

So just to paraphrase, we’re having a little trouble with urology out that because of the power of the word, the word can have a positive power but also a very negative power, right?

What else do you see in the, in the videos you watched or in the lectures we’ve watched together get into the buoyant production

<8:45-9:00>. Students work in breakout rooms.>

<9:00. Reviewing the discussion questions>

And what happens during the Renaissance or Renaissance? Depending on your, your, your stress, your money has become the most important.

<<Student 1>> What became most important?

<<Student 2>> Hmo, human feminism. Yeah, those are definitely focus on humanism.

<<Student 3 >> Yeah, the smarts to learning from the ancient Greek people because they aren’t so like ways some wines, right?

<Teacher> No, sir. Can you explain what you may not you may know it better from simulation. And again, that’s different from mutilation around. Not quite. Surely this is your field isn’t what does a simulation, you guys like this class, a slot like this one, I can write it like this one scene

So it is a mole loading from ancient Greece and ancient Rome.

<9:15: Teacher transitions to a speaking activity>

What do you love or hate about new arc? If you can remember what new, OK. Looks like outside your own front door that you may be able to remember it or Delaware or the United States.

<9:20-9:35 Students work on speaking activities in small groups and then return>

If you don’t understand my feedback because it’s hard to do Britain feedback on pronunciation.

Second, I’m gonna have to cough here if I might. This doesn’t fade very attractive. Coughing into a microphone I know aren’t going to have in your chat box.

<9:45 Announcements and wrap up>

And then I’ll give you some sorts of speaking task to do over the weekend to summarize, sang it. Yeah.

I should know next week what the situation is with these books. So for instance, if you’ve taken grad Sex Writing and you’d be willing to pass your books on Matthew. Grant Sex Writing.

Thank you. Good job. Visual and applause. Insights taking over the world.

Alright. Spectral waves to everyone.

<9:55. Zoom call ends>

Image credit: Sarnil Prasad (Creative Commons)

Author: Nigel Caplan

Nigel Caplan, Ph.D., is an associate professor at the University of Delaware English Language Institution, as well as a textbook author, consultant, and speaker. Nigel holds a PhD from the University of Delaware, a master's in TESOL from the University of Pennsylvania, and a bachelor's degree from Cambridge University. He is currently director of Project DELITE, a federal grant providing ESL certification to Delaware teachers. He also brews beer.

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